If we can tell people that they are a slave to something, what are we enslaved to?
Power? Money? Pride? Ego? Dream?
Umm, your boss? Or maybe person that you endear most and important to you?
My dad always tells me to do something, chores, etc. Not ask, tell. It's like having an order from the queen that no one can't say no to. But of course, I can't seem to refuse to him. Does that make me a slave to him? Welp probably not, because I can just say no to him, while slaves don't have choices, aren't they? Umm...
On one fine day, I tried to say no to him. Welp guess what? Correct!! He tells me to do it again, only this time he gets fucking louder. And it pissed me off! The thing he tells me to do was only to pay a guy that brings water gallon to our house, why can't he do it himself? I don't fucking understand, he dresses well that day and nothing to hide about. The water guy is a fucking mess to tbf, he brings his cart inside my dad's lawn to make his job easier. The problem is that his cart has no rubber shit or something that protect its steel base onto the ceramic floor. My dad was fucking mad to me ffs, and to that rubbish moron too for sure. Still, why he wouldn't just go out and pay to that moron himself? What seems to be the problem? Pride? I have no clue to this day. Then I took the money then give to the man, and yell to cart guy, "don't fucking go inside next time!".
He always mad to fucking small problem available and wants everything to be perfect, I guess. But I don't really want to know why. Maybe cos he's a very wise and deep thought mind though, all his friends admire and ask for advice from him. It's hard to know what's going on inside his mind, and no one can't seem to deny his words when he's telling something to anyone. He's the smartest people in the room, his room, exactly. I would love to see one smarter shit ass person says he fucked up abt something. Just one time please, come on.
He's no businessman or shit, but he fixed radio, tape, or amplifier for living. Now he retires since my sister has got a great job with great money. He doesn't go out having fun or eat at restaurant or shits, cos he doesn't see any value in it. What a loser, right? He always tells me to not say something bad to other people. Other people don't mean his people probably, like his son and daughter. I often hear him callin' my sister and my brother fool or stupid. I mean they might be wrong about something, but does that make them a fool? Come on daddy! Let me hear u praise something good about my sister or my brother or me please? Will we ever hear that? Don't think so. Don't he even know that his words are powerful? most of the family and his friend listen to him. But he can't say something good to his children ffs. Fucking full of theory and fucking fuller of bullshit if he can't do that.
Not everyone loves their dad, we know that. But I do love my dad, I believe most people are, and I am sorry if you don't, I don't mean to hurt your feeling. I've always wanted to buy a house for him and give him everything he needs and wants. That was my main motivation to get a job and make money, (yes, I'm unemployed, my bad, i dont even why I make a blog bitching about my dad) otherwise I don't know what to do with my life. It was until I've had enough of that. Somehow my desire to get a job change from that to "I want to get out from this house and avoid him for some time". It is a fucking wrong mindset. Fuck me! It's all because he's so fucking unreachable and hard to talk with. Everything I said that's important, or my opinion is wrong and belong in the trash. That's prolly my main reason why I don't enjoy talk with him. Bet my mom felt that too, I don't know. Was she ever happy living a long time with him? It's too late for me to ask though, she died of stroke last two years. But FUCK yeah, I never FUCKING hear my dad praise my mom, mostly he belittled my mom and make funny of her. I don't know about their dating life but what does that matter now? He was dead inside and now even emptier. I don't blame him for this.
To go back to where I was is by just moving forward, I guess. Maybe I have that mindset cos I don't wanna have this harsh thought about him. Who knows. I always keep it inside, maybe it is full already and it needs to be emptied by writing this.
But in the end, my dad is a very caring person, I know he wants their child to be the best out of him. It's just that he never says good shit about their child. And maybe my emotional needs are not gonna be filled from him. It's okay, I'll get used to it. I am still going to be his slave tho, and maybe I've always wanted it, as it is the only thing that make me have a conversation with my dad. And to serve him to the very end as he's getting weaker as years gone by, I need to get my shit together. If I can never buy him a big house, great cars, and fill his bank account every month, but I serve him to the very end, I don't mind it. If that's my life purpose, so be it. But of course, I want to give him big house, great cars, and fill his bank account every month. Hope that comes true.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2022! 🎅
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